Throughout my middle and high school years, I spent every Thursday night – like millions of others at the time – watching “Seinfeld.” Inarguably one of the most famous and successful television sitcoms of all time, the show described to be about nothing was actually a show about everything in life. Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer filled thirty minutes of our week with obsessive over-analysis of all the details that keep life interesting. They perfected the art of categorizing people based on their inherent social flaw, and I have to admit that they made a lasting impact on me in the process.
I am quite sure that I am not alone in this boat, though. The misfits made famous on Seinfeld are still roaming the halls of our offices today just as they were twenty years ago. Every company that I have ever worked for had a “low talker” and a “close talker” and a “high talker.” I could not have possibly been the only person picturing Jerry and George in my head upon being introduced to these people. I have even had others casually warn me about these folks before introducing me to them. “Let me take you over to meet John, but you should know he is a low talker, so just nod and smile when he says something to you.” That was an actual statement made to me in an office once, but I have changed the name to protect the guilty.
Most of us have seen enough Seinfeld episodes to know to try avoiding the social miscues that could earn us an obvious label from our coworkers. Unfortunately, the low, close, and high talkers among us seem incapable of recognizing and changing their unsettling speech patterns. I will not waste my energy trying to rescue them, but rather will attempt to throw a lifeline to another group that I have personally encountered in every workplace that I have ever occupied. This social flaw is bordering on epidemic proportions, and in true Seinfeld fashion I have nicknamed the individuals that suffer from it “lingerers.”
Lingerers are people that – for whatever reason – are unable to pick up on the subtle cues that those of us in the rest of the population use to single that our conversations or interactions have concluded. These are the well-meaning individuals that appear in your office or cubicle door to make small talk but never find that appropriate or graceful moment to make their exit. When you realize that a discussion has run out of steam and you send a clear signal like turning your attention back to your emails or paperwork, the lingerer will remain in your doorway awkwardly shuffling their feet or chuckling nervously. Hardcore lingerers will even stand their ground in the face of comments like “well…I better get back to work” or “I’ll talk to you later, buddy.” They are missing whatever gene the rest of us have that alerts us when another person is ready for us to leave them alone.
While most lingerers are harmless – and are sometimes even generally lovable characters – over time, they will inevitably begin to wear on their coworkers. An encounter with a lingerer can quickly distract you and derail any productivity that you may have had going before their arrival. Eventually, people will start to find ways to avoid contact with the office lingerer. They will fake a phone call (NOTE: I have personally called the local time and temperature recording from my hometown on more occasions that I can count for this very purpose. Feel free to use it for yourself: 865-986-9001) or they will make a run for the bathroom when they hear the lingerer approaching. If your coworkers are avoiding you, there is no chance for you to build the trust-based relationships of mutual respect that are needed to survive in the modern world of work.
This week’s Cubicle Survival Guide tip is to not be a lingerer, but it really goes beyond that. The best tip that I can give you is to develop the ability to objectively assess your social interactions with your coworkers. In truth, I think a lot of lingerers have convinced themselves that they are engaging and entertaining their audience when the truth is quite the opposite. If they could take a moment to observe and digest the behavior of the people in front of them, it would be hard not to realize that they are uncomfortable to a noticeable degree. If you can learn to make some accurate self-assessments and review and critique your own social patterns in the office, you can avoid many potential pitfalls. If you have a hard time with that, talk to your closest friends or family. Ask them for brutal honesty, but in exchange you have to be receptive to their feedback and not become angry or argumentative with them. The people closest to you are almost certainly aware of your communication styles and can often help you identify your areas for improvement.
I am not going to lie to you; if you manage to earn yourself a “Seinfeld-esque” nickname in your office, it is going to take a long time and a lot of effort to overcome it. Try your best to be sensitive to the reactions that your social interactions are stimulating in your coworkers. If you find yourself in their personal space sometimes, you might be a close talker. If you find that you are misunderstood often, you might be a low talker. If you find that your officemates are always on the phone or in the bathroom when you drop by to see them, you might be a lingerer. Recognize and adapt or suffer the consequences of a Seinfeld social stigma. Now, stop reading this article and move along to something else. We are done here, lingerer.
